The college admissions process has become an increasingly stressful rite of passage for American teenagers wanting and able to pursue post-secondary education. At Forget the Rankings, we firmly believe that students are not defined by what path they take after high school, nor are they defined by the institutions that accept or deny them. Our belief stems from a deep understanding that every individual possesses inherent worth far beyond their academic achievements or college acceptances. As we delve into the complexities of college admissions and its impact on teenage mental health, it's crucial to remember: Your students are so much more than a college acceptance letter.​

 

The Mental Health Landscape

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Recent years have seen a troubling rise in mental health issues among teenagers, with the college admissions process often acting as a significant stressor. The statistics paint a concerning picture:

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1. According to a 2019 Pew Research Center study, 70% of teens identified anxiety and depression as major problems among their peers. (America's Age of Anxiety, 2023)

2. The American Psychological Association's Stress in America survey consistently finds that teens report higher stress levels than adults, with school being a primary source. (Bethune, 2014)

3. A 2018 study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology found that between 2009 and 2017, rates of depression among 16- to 17-year-olds increased by 69%. (Heid, 2019)

4. The National College Health Assessment reports that anxiety is the top concern among college students, affecting 63% of respondents. (Gabriel et al., n.d.)

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These numbers reflect a growing crisis that demands attention from parents, educators, and society at large. The college admissions process, while not the sole cause, often exacerbates existing mental health challenges and can trigger new ones.

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The Pressure Cooker: Sources of Stress

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To address this issue effectively, we must first understand the various sources of pressure that teenagers face during the college admissions process:

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• Parental Expectations: Many parents, often unconsciously, place enormous pressure on their children to gain admission to prestigious institutions. This pressure can stem from various sources:

  • A desire for their children to have better opportunities than they did

  • Diverse cultural backgrounds, which may include immigrant experiences, can shape varying expectations around education and achievement

  • The conflation of a child's success with parental worth

  • Misconceptions about the importance of attending an elite school

• Peer Competition: The comparative nature of college admissions can strain friendships and foster unhealthy competition. This manifests in several ways:

  • Constant comparisons of test scores, GPAs, and extracurricular achievements

  • The fear of being "left behind" if friends get into more prestigious schools

  • Pressure to take on more advanced courses or activities solely for college applications

  • Social media amplifying feelings of inadequacy as peers share their successes

• Societal Emphasis on Elite Institutions: Popular culture and media often overemphasize the importance of attending top-ranked universities:

  • News coverage focusing disproportionately on Ivy League and other elite schools

  • The perpetuation of myths about success being tied to specific institutions

  • Celebrity culture highlighting famous alumni from prestigious universities

  • Rankings systems that create a false hierarchy of educational value

• Self-Imposed Pressure: Perhaps the most insidious form of pressure comes from within:

  • Internalizing external expectations and equating self-worth with academic achievement

  • Setting unrealistic standards based on perceived competition

  • Fear of disappointing family or letting down supporters

  • Anxiety about an uncertain future in a competitive job market

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The Crucial Role of Parents

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Parents play a pivotal role in shaping their child's approach to the college admissions process. By shifting their mindset and process, parents can significantly reduce stress and promote a healthier perspective:

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• Shift from Pressure to Support:

  • Focus on your child's personal growth, happiness, and well-being rather than specific outcomes

  • Celebrate efforts, improvements, and the learning process, not just achievements

  • Offer unconditional love and support, regardless of college admissions results

• Adopt a Values-Driven Mindset:

  • Help your teen identify what they truly value in a college experience beyond prestige

  • Encourage exploration of schools based on factors like academic programs, campus culture, and personal fit

  • Enter conversations with curiosity, not judgment, about the reasons your teen feels an institution is a good fit for them 

  • Model the importance of aligning choices with personal values and goals

• Encourage Exploration of Diverse Options:

  • Support your child in researching a wide range of schools, including less well-known institutions

  • Discuss the benefits of different types of colleges (liberal arts, public universities, community colleges)

  • Share stories of successful individuals who attended various types of schools

• Open Communication:

  • Create a safe space for honest discussions about fears, aspirations, and concerns

  • Listen actively without judgment, allowing your teen to express their thoughts freely

  • Share your own experiences and challenges, humanizing the process

  • Set designated times for college discussions to prevent unexpected pressure. For example, agree on a weekly "college talk" time, allowing students to prepare mentally and emotionally for these conversations

  • Respect boundaries by avoiding surprise questions about college applications during unrelated activities or family time

• Promote Balance:

  • Encourage involvement in activities outside of academics that bring joy and fulfillment

  • Help your teen maintain perspective by discussing life beyond college

  • Model work-life balance and stress management in your own life 

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​Empowering Students: Fostering Self-Worth and Resilience

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To help teenagers maintain a sense of self-worth throughout the college admissions process, it's essential to:

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• Foster Self-Worth Beyond College Acceptances:

  • Regularly remind teens of their inherent value as individuals

  • Highlight personal qualities and strengths unrelated to academic achievement

  • Encourage self-reflection on personal growth and character development

  • Be specific when giving positive feedback

• Develop a Growth Mindset:

  • Teach the concept of neuroplasticity and the brain's ability to grow and change

  • Encourage viewing challenges as opportunities for learning and development

  • Reframe setbacks as valuable learning experiences rather than failures

• Nurture Passions and Interests:

  • Support involvement in activities that bring joy and fulfillment outside of academics

  • Encourage depth in pursuits rather than a breadth of activities solely for applications

  • Help teens identify and develop their unique talents and interests

• Promote Self-Advocacy:

  • Teach teens to communicate their needs and seek help when necessary

  • Encourage taking ownership of their education and future plans

  • Support decision-making skills by allowing teens to make choices and learn from consequences

• Build Stress Management Skills:

  • Introduce and practice various stress-reduction techniques (e.g., mindfulness, deep breathing)

  • Encourage regular exercise and healthy sleep habits

  • Teach time management and organizational skills to reduce anxiety

  • Be mindful about the impact of social media on mental health

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A Collaborative Approach to College Admissions

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The most effective approach to college admissions is collaborative, with students taking the lead and parents providing support:

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• Students as Primary Drivers:

  • Encourage teens to take ownership of researching schools and programs

  • Support them in writing their own essays and completing applications

  • Allow them to make final decisions about where to apply and attend, keeping finances in mind when applicable

 

• ​Parents as Supportive Partners:

  • Offer guidance and emotional support without taking control

  • Assist with logistical aspects like planning college visits and understanding financial aid

  • Provide a sounding board for ideas and concerns

  • Set Realistic Expectations Together:

    • Have open discussions about goals, finances, and potential outcomes together from the beginning

    • Be transparent about financial constraints and discuss them openly with your student before they apply to schools that may be beyond your family's financial means

    • Collaboratively create a balanced list of reach, target, and comfort schools

      • Pro Tip - what do we mean by this? 

        • Reach schools: Colleges where admission is possible but less likely, as the student's academic profile is below the school's average.

        • Target schools: Colleges where the student's profile matches the school's average and offers a good chance of admission.

        • Comfort schools: Colleges where admission is highly likely, as the student's profile exceeds the school's average.

    • Discuss various post-high school options, including gap years, trade and technical schools, military, community college, or employment. There are so many options.

  • Engage Additional Support Systems:

    • Utilize school counselors for expert guidance

    • Connect with alumni or current college students for insights

    • Consider seeking professional mental health support if stress becomes overwhelming

 

 

 

Concrete Tips for Navigating the Process for Students

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• Create a timeline: Break the process into manageable steps to avoid last-minute stress

• Practice self-care: Maintain a balanced schedule with time for relaxation and hobbies

• Seek support: Reach out to counselors, teachers, or trusted adults when feeling overwhelmed

• Stay true to yourself: Focus on finding schools that align with your values and goals

• Limit social media: Reduce exposure to potentially stressful comparisons with peers

• Celebrate small wins: Acknowledge each completed step in the process

• Ask for help: Trusted adults, family and school counselors are here for you.

 

 

 

Embracing Your Inherent Worth

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As we navigate the complex and often stressful terrain of college admissions, it's crucial to remember that this process is just one small part of a much larger life journey. Your worth as an individual is not determined by where you go to college, but by the unique qualities, experiences, and potential you bring to the world.

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As you move through this process, strive to maintain a broader perspective. Focus on personal growth, explore your passions, and cultivate resilience. These qualities will serve you well not just in college admissions, but throughout your life.

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Remember, the goal of education is not just to get into a particular school, but to develop as a person, to learn how to think critically and creatively, and to prepare for a lifetime of learning and growth. By prioritizing mental health, fostering self-worth, and approaching the college admissions process with a balanced perspective, you set yourself up for success far beyond any acceptance letter.

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You are valuable, you are worthy, and you have incredible potential – regardless of where you go to college. Embrace this truth, and let it guide you through the college admissions process and beyond.​​