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Questions That Make Students Stop Pretending

Writer's picture: Jared EplerJared Epler

Standard questions get standard answers. Ask students about their interests, and they'll recite their activities list. Ask about their ideal college, and they'll name the schools they think they should want.


But we need to go deeper. We need to understand not just what they do, but who they are. Not just where they want to go, but why. Not just their achievements, but their hearts.


Here are the questions I've found that crack open real conversations:


"What's your best time of day?"

It seems simple, but listen to the answer. The night owl might need a campus with 24-hour study spaces. The early riser might wilt at a party school. The student who loves mid-afternoon energy might thrive at a bustling urban campus.


"When do you feel most yourself?"

Watch their face light up as they tell you about midnight conversations with friends, or solving math problems, or losing track of time in the art studio. These moments reveal where they'll thrive in college.


"What makes you lose track of time?"

Not what looks good on applications. Not what their parents praise. What actually absorbs them completely. These are the clues to academic interests they might not even recognize yet.


"Who are you when no one's watching?"

This often reveals the parts of themselves they're afraid won't fit the "perfect college applicant" mold. The serious student who writes fan fiction. The athlete who sketches comics. The future engineer who loves poetry.


"What worries you most about college that you haven't told anyone?"

Here's where the real fears emerge. Fear of not making friends. Fear of not being smart enough. Fear of losing themselves in the pressure to succeed.


"What environment helps you do your best work?"

Some need absolute quiet. Others thrive on background activity. Some need structure, others flexibility. These preferences matter more than they realize in finding the right college fit.


"Tell me about a time you felt really engaged in learning."

Not just their best grade or favorite subject, but a moment when learning felt exciting, natural, compelling. These stories reveal how they learn best.


"What do you wish people asked you about?"

This often reveals passions they don't think "count" - their expertise in building online communities, their fascination with how languages evolve, their thoughts about climate change.


The Art of the Follow-Up:

- "Tell me more about that"

- "What was that like for you?"

- "How did that feel?"

- "What did you learn about yourself?"

- "What would you change if you could?"


Reading Between the Lines:

- Listen for the energy in their voice

- Watch their body language

- Notice what they come back to repeatedly

- Pay attention to what they avoid

- Observe what makes them lean forward


Creating Safety for Real Answers:

- Acknowledge without judgment

- Show genuine curiosity

- Make space for uncertainty

- Validate their concerns

- Remember details they share


Because here's what I know: Students often don't know what they need. They know what they think they should want. Our job is to help them distinguish between the two.


The right questions, asked with genuine curiosity and held with care, can:

- Reveal hidden interests

- Name unspoken fears

- Identify true priorities

- Uncover authentic dreams

- Guide better college matches


Our role isn't just to collect information.

It's to help students discover themselves.

To show them that their real answers matter more than their rehearsed ones.

To help them trust their own voices.


The best questions don't just inform our guidance.

They help students know themselves better.

And that's the real gift we can offer in this process.


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