Your teen doesn't know what they want to major in. They can't decide between a big university or a small college. They change their mind every week about what careers interest them.
And you're terrified. Because shouldn't they have it figured out by now?
No. They shouldn't.
This uncertainty – this blessed, messy, uncomfortable uncertainty – is exactly where they need to be. It's the space where real discovery happens. It's the precursor to authentic decisions.
When we rush to eliminate this uncertainty, when we push our kids to choose a path before they're ready, we rob them of something precious: the chance to get lost. To wonder. To explore without a destination in mind.
I went to college utterly lost. I studied communications and music – a combination that made perfect sense to my heart and zero sense to those asking about my career plans. But here's what I've learned: life has a way of weaving seemingly disparate threads into something that only makes sense in retrospect.
While I may not work directly in communications or music today, the creative thinking and storytelling skills from my communications degree have enriched every role I've held. And music? I may not perform professionally, but playing piano and singing in an acapella group has kept me whole in ways that no career achievement could match. My study of music in college wasn't about building a career – it was about nurturing a part of my soul that needed room to grow.
The path is rarely straight. I stumbled into my first job in college admissions, letting curiosity guide me rather than a rigid plan. Years later, I took what seemed like a logical step into corporate America – only to quit two weeks later when my gut screamed that something wasn't right. What followed was a year and a half of being gloriously, terrifyingly lost. But in that lostness, I explored and questioned and grew. I tried new things. I reflected. Eventually, I found my way back to college access work, but with a deeper understanding of what truly matters in building a meaningful life.
Some of the most successful people I know spent their early college years beautifully, productively lost. They took classes that surprised them. They followed curiosities down unexpected paths. They gave themselves permission not to know.
So instead of trying to solve your teen's uncertainty, help them embrace it. Remind them that being undecided isn't a failure of planning – it's an openness to possibility. That changing their mind isn't indecisive – it's responsive to new information and experiences. That taking an unexpected combination of subjects isn't impractical – it's an investment in becoming a whole person.
Because being lost isn't a problem to fix – it's an invitation to explore. And sometimes the most meaningful destinations are the ones we never could have planned for.
Let them wander. Let them wonder. Let them find their way not by following a predetermined path, but by learning to trust their own inner compass. The clarity they seek will come not from rushing to decide, but from giving themselves permission to discover.
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